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Mothers' Hideaway: Is marriage easy?

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Is marriage easy?

I read something today that irritated me. Someone said it's not true that marriages are hard. That they're easy, breezy, beautiful, and natural. That many, many women are happy wives.

I call bull.

I love my husband. I do. But our relationship isn't always easy, breezy, beautiful. It's hard. There are moments that I love him with all of my heart and loving him comes naturally. I can't get enough of him and the thought of him going to work makes me sad because I'll miss him. There are also the moments where I can't stand him. I want to run away and avoid him at all costs. I dread (yes, I said dread) when he comes home from work because I just don't want to deal with him.

Love is work. Plain and simple.

I don't know anyone that loves going to work everyday. That when they wake up to the sound of their alarm they jump out of bed excited and ready to conquer what lies ahead at their job every. single. day. Sure, there are moments; moments of accomplishment, recognition, success. There are also moments of grueling hours, demands, unsuccessful encounters, and inter office drama (or was that just mine?). During those periods that snooze button seems so much more alluring.

The difference between work and marriage is one you can change with a simple two week notice....the other you made a promise to stay for better or for worse. Inevitably, we usually try not to get fired from either job and try to dodge the pink slip.

Statistics show that 50% of marriages result in divorce. Clearly, those aren't happy marriages. What about those that are still married?? Are they all happy? I don't imagine so. There are the marriages where the unhappy spouse stays for "the kids" or money's just easier. Finally, there are those that are really, truly, happy. Although, it's really hard for me to swallow that these people are always happy and that conflict never enters the relationship.

Maybe I'm just jaded.

I've been with my husband for over eight years. We've been married for over six of those. We were young when we were married and life looked glamorous, wonderful, and we were invincible as individuals and as a couple. Now, we're older, have two young children, I have a chronic health issue, and he has a high demanding job (read: high stress, long hours). Life gets in the way of "us" and "we" get in the way of life. It makes sense in some warped way. The trick is to remember that marriage is work. You're not always happy at work, but you still trek through it because don't want that pink slip.

I am not always a happy wife. I'm not always an unhappy wife. I'm just a wife...and mother...and friend...and chauffeur....and housekeeper....and milk factory....and cook.....and entertainer....and psychologist.....and social worker ...and... and.......

Is marriage easy? Tell us what you think today at Mothers' Hideaway and join our discussion here!


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